Learn English
The following are all supposed to be true. Enjoy them!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello.... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
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And last but not least...
Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
- One For The Weekend!
Some geeky humor for the weekend: A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one on the left costs...
- At The Bank
Conversation between customer and bank employeeCustomer: Excuse me, I want to open an account here. Bank employee: Go to that cabin on the left side. Customer: may I come in sir? Bank officer: Yes please. What I can do for you. Customer: I want to open...
- Buying A Television From A Show Room
Shopkeeper: Welcome sir. Would you like to buy a television? Customer: Could you show me a good TV? Shopkeeper: Oh sure. I?ll show you. We have almost all the popular brands. Customer: I need 21" TV having...
- A Customer Talking To A Salesman At A Gift Shop
Salesman: Good morning sir! Customer: Good morning! Salesman: How can I help you sir? Customer: I want to purchase a gift for my sister to give it on her birthday. Salesman: How old is she? Customer: She is only eight years old. It should be something...
- Indian Shopping At A Saree Shop
Seller: Good evening madam! Customer: Good evening! Seller: Please be seated. What would you like to have, cold or hot ? Customer: Just a glass of cold water. It is very hot today.... Seller: Yes ma?m, what...
Learn English
Just For Laughs - Computer Help and Technical Support
The following are all supposed to be true. Enjoy them!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
---------------------
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
---------------------
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
---------------------
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello.... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
---------------------
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
---------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
---------------------
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.
---------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
---------------------
Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
---------------------
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
---------------------
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
---------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
---------------------
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
---------------------
A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
---------------------
And last but not least...
Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
- One For The Weekend!
Some geeky humor for the weekend: A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one on the left costs...
- At The Bank
Conversation between customer and bank employeeCustomer: Excuse me, I want to open an account here. Bank employee: Go to that cabin on the left side. Customer: may I come in sir? Bank officer: Yes please. What I can do for you. Customer: I want to open...
- Buying A Television From A Show Room
Shopkeeper: Welcome sir. Would you like to buy a television? Customer: Could you show me a good TV? Shopkeeper: Oh sure. I?ll show you. We have almost all the popular brands. Customer: I need 21" TV having...
- A Customer Talking To A Salesman At A Gift Shop
Salesman: Good morning sir! Customer: Good morning! Salesman: How can I help you sir? Customer: I want to purchase a gift for my sister to give it on her birthday. Salesman: How old is she? Customer: She is only eight years old. It should be something...
- Indian Shopping At A Saree Shop
Seller: Good evening madam! Customer: Good evening! Seller: Please be seated. What would you like to have, cold or hot ? Customer: Just a glass of cold water. It is very hot today.... Seller: Yes ma?m, what...